This is the second post in a series exploring my connection to the eight sensates (and maybe even going beyond just the main characters – let’s see how far I’ll get) to bridge the time until June 8, when the special will be available on Netflix. The first one was about Lito. This includes spoilers!
It took me a few days to figure out who I was going to write about next. On the surface I really don’t have a lot in common with many of the characters because most of them either have lost one parent (or two) or have parents that don’t accept them as who they are. So actually, it just occurs to me now, Kala (played by Tina Desai) is the one that is closest to me in this regard. She has a very loving family – and I can say the same about my family.
I grew up in a loving, caring family in a big house with a big garden, my father was a social worker in a leading position, my mother a housewife (they’re both in their 80s now), I have two older siblings (one sister, one brother) and a younger brother. What binds us – besides blood, love & respect – is making music, a talent that we most likely inherited from my mom’s side, as her father, our grandfather, played all kinds of instruments. My two older siblings and I have been making music together (mainly in church, but modern songs) for 38 (!) years, and whenever there is any special birthday, wedding, well, even funeral, within our extended family, the four of us are expected to deliver. And we do. The fact that we sing in harmony doesn’t mean we are always in harmony, but for the most part, we are.
But I’m digressing a bit again… You now know more about my family than we ever get to know about Kala’s…
Kala doesn’t want to hurt anybody, which is why she finds it so hard to call off the wedding with Rajan, or later tell him about her true feelings, the latter I think also because she wants to stick to her promise. I can relate to that. I’ve always had difficulties in telling people something (or doing something) that might hurt them, sometimes even at the expense of not doing what’s right for me. For instance, I’d been discontent with my relationship for years before I finally brought up the courage to ultimately address the issue, which ended up in a mutual decision to break it off. And just with Kala and Rajan, it wasn’t really his fault, it was me who yearned for something that he couldn’t give me. But to me, a long-term relationship (we were together for 11 years) is not merely based on feelings but it’s also a decision. And once I’ve taken a decision, I pretty much stick by it. Revising the decision feels like failure to me. In this respect I feel close to Kala and I also have respect for Rajan, who has done nothing to deserve the hate that I’ve seen displayed on Twitter occasionally. Of course, I want to see Kala and Wolfgang together too, but I do feel sorry for Rajan who deserves a woman who truly loves him, too.
This brings me to another thing that Kala and I have in common: We love Wolfgang. ❤ Despite better judgement. I mean, really, I was as shocked as Kala when he finally killed his uncle! I’ve seen this scene now three times – and I STILL can’t look at it. I have had to look away every single time. Because it f**king hurts to see the man that I love like this. Wow, this sounds a bit cheesy and as if I couldn’t distinguish between fiction and reality. I just want to say that in this moment – as in other moments, like when Kala tries to keep him from doing that – I empathize so completely with Kala that watching this scene I become her. I know exactly what she’s feeling. We are basically part of one cluster.
But I also understand her initial reluctance to the „bad boy‟. Man, I might have a thing for „bad boys‟ in series (e.g. Spike in Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and movies (e.g. Loki in the MCU), but in real life?! I’m such a „good girl‟ in many respects: Steady job, no connection to anything illegal (I even hesitate crossing the street at red stoplights at night), no drugs, no alcohol, no gambling, no fare dodging, no parking where it’s not allowed. I’m a model for my students. I’m not looking for danger in my life. That’s how Kala gets across initially, right? What is it then, my darker side? I guess my thoughts are not that sweet and innocent all the time (but I’m not going into that in detail). Oh, and I violently swear while driving (while never into somebody’s face)…
I would be attracted to Wolfgang, while at the same time thinking that from a rational point of view, this can only go wrong. I could actually compare this with a situation from my youth (19-20 years old), when I fell madly in love with an American soldier that was stationed near my home. We shared maybe one or two kisses, then followed some misunderstandings (no cell phones back then!), and then he suddenly had to go back to the states as his mother had leukemia. I heard nothing for two months. And then his letter finally arrived saying that he loved me and asking me to come to the US to be with him. My heart cried out „Yes!‟, my mind said „Wait a minute, let’s think this through!‟ I did not pack all my things and left for the US, leaving my family and friends behind, but I did go and see him a year later when I was on a trip through the southwest with my older brother to find out whether heart and head can be aligned. Eventually, my heart realized that this was not the real thing – it truly felt like a revelation – and I flew back feeling completely free .
Mind you, this is not the ending I wish for Kala and Wolfgang – I mean they’re sensates! (And saying they have great chemistry would be the understatement of the year, if not decade, century, millennium!). Honestly, to see this relationship play out in a satisfying way, it
wouldwill definitely need more than a two-and-a-half-hour special.
I’m very different in other respects from Kala, who is surely the most „girly‟ one of the female sensates. I’m not that girly, my hair length is closer to Riley’s, I very rarely wear make-up and/or jewellery (or skirts). Plus, contrary to Kala’s faith, my faith (I’m Catholic) has somewhat faded into the background at this point in my life. Not really sure I’m still what you would call a believer, but I do believe in fundamental Christian values, such as loving thy neighbor or forgiveness. I do not believe in putting one religion above another one or in any kind of discrimination and persecution in the name of religion.
All in all, I guess Kala is the female sensate I am most similar to, especially because she doesn’t come from a place of bereavement like Riley and Sun, nor has she experienced rejection like Nomi has. What I love about her is that this doesn’t make her oblivious to the problems other people have and that she uses her scientific background (which I don’t have – I teach English and History) to do some really bad-ass stuff!